o ye believers

as i was leaving the rainbow isbrand told me that somebody had left a book about philosophy and that it was in french and - knowing that such a book would probably interest me - he had put it aside for me.  it was a hardback edition of bertrand russell's essaies sceptiques, beautifully bound; the precisely printed black ink looked at me meaningfully from tenderly textured beige pages. i felt privileged to carry such a beauty of a book among my humble possessions.  i often read it by the light of a fire at night as i travelled back to france.  it often made my desire to sleep disappear.

it was interesting to become acquainted with a real sceptical stance.  russell says that so many human beliefs conflict and indeed lead to conflict and so often they do not even stem from any sound line of reasoning.  a belief, plucked from the ether (inherited from forebears), furnishing people with a familiar way to grasp reality, held by them obstinately, unquestioningly.  better to question everything, says russell.  and only affirm that which fully satisfies our rational minds.  in russell's own words (published in 1928):

I wish to propose a doctrine which may, I fear, appear wildly paradoxical and subversive. The doctrine in question is this: that it is undesirable to believe a proposition when there is no ground whatever for supposing it true. I must, of course, admit that if such an opinion became common it would completely transform our social life and our political system.

later russell writes:

The opinions that are held with passion are always those for which no good ground exists; indeed the passion is the measure of the holder's lack of rational conviction. Opinions in politics and religion are almost always held passionately.

suspend judgement, ye believers!

i was just about to leave the toilet hallway in the public library in perpignan when a petite african lady wearing a jaunty hat and wide white eyes walked in.  "mais vous dominez" she instantly says with admiration.  i stand there taking her in, thinking "what does she mean, i dominate?"  she explains: "vous êtes grand"   it is funny to stand there - me in all my tallness - next to this little lady from togo and benin who, encouraged by my interested eyes and nods, soon slides into what i learn to be her favourite topic - God.  man, she is so happy to be talking with me about God.  she is aflame with the spirit of God.  the divine flame animates her irrepressibly.   she would burst out in wild laughter if i encouraged her - and at times we do emit joyful chuckles . . . the Mystery of God, the Magnificence of God, it is all so magnificent.  i am her mirror.  i am bertrand russell, retaining my inner gaze of scepticism.  God, how to explain all this phenomena?  God is the answer.  the undeniable unavoidable Source and ultimate Aim of All.  other library users cautiously pass us in the narrow hallway, enter either the male or the female toilets, come out and wash their hands while my african flame of enthusiasm and i are standing there talking about God.  after a while adelaide (so she is called, "like the australian city") uses the toilet herself, then we take a seat outside by a table and continue to talk.  she continues to talk.  she pours her God enthusiasm all over me.   i feed her with my wordless rapt attention.  the stories tumble out: once in the middle of the train station in perpignan - "en plein gare!" - i got down on my knees, filled with the light of God . . . incredible things happen to me, you would not believe . . .  in the middle of the night i could not sleep.  i just have to get up and dance, "Dieu est vivante!" i am so glad that God has given us this . .. bizarre encounter here in the library . . . and i can see that you are very interested, writing down the things that i say.  
on a piece of paper next to her phone number my pen slyly scribes the occasional phrase that catches my attention:

danser à Dieu
chanter à Dieu
qu'il fasse de moi ce qu'il veut
je suis détachée . . . 
mon époux c'est Jesu,
c'est lui mon manger
c'est lui ma soif
je suis fou d'amour pour lui

she says that God is constantly orchestrating incredible encounters for her, events that could not 'just happen', like when her dearly beloved neighbour fell ill and then one day disappeared and for so long o she yearned to see her again just to hug her . . . "just to hug her once more before she went. . ." desperation for days then one day she sees a woman on the street - "i had never seen her before " she underscores - yet she feels somehow compelled to approach her.  immediately this woman rings another friend and passes the phone to adelaide, who hears these simple words:

"je viens a votre rencontre"

and this friend of the woman - who she had never met before - takes her to a hospital where her friend is lying and they are able to embrace each other.  the friend has not been responding for days but now they are both crying with tears of joy, with tears of joy.  


i tell her a bit about my life - sleeping out in the woods, etc.  she says "i am like you.  i have nothing, nothing.  my house is filled with books about God which i am collecting to take back to africa, so that the children there can learn about God"  
God, it is getting rather one-themed for me.  i tell adelaide that i have to be getting on.  i will travel to ireland to attend my cousin's wedding.  "ah, marriage is so important for God.  she writes down the names of my cousin and her betrothed "nadine and haydn" and the date of their marriage "28th may" and she will pray for them on that day, pray that God bless their marriage and make their lives happy and give them many children.