"carson" i said i was called as i arrived at the welsh rainbow near hay-on-wye. "no you're not, you're corazon!" tooted anton, who i had met at the tenerife rainbow. i thus realised that corazon would become my rainbow name.
for the first few days i wasn't fully there. i was too preoccupied by cavilating over the fate of humanity. immediately previously i had spent feverish hours in the library in oxford going through John Gray's books Straw Dogs and The Silence of Animals, scribbling down such quotes as:
If there is anything unique about the human animal, it is that it has the ability to grow knowledge at an accelerating rate while being chronically incapable of learning from experience
Humans cannot live without illusions. For the men and women of today, an irrational faith in progress may be the only antidote to nihilism. Without the hope that the future will be better than the past, they could not go on.
and:
If you believe that humans are animals, there can be no such thing as the history of humanity, only the lives of particular humans. If we speak of the history of the species at all, it is only to signify the unknowable sum of these lives. As with other animals, some lives are happy, others wretched. None has a meaning that lies beyond itself
John says that the religious idea of heaven is the same type as the liberal humanist idea of progress; both rest on the same faith that the future will be better, and - according to John, both are delusional. John's thoughts have had the effect of giving me a jolt, widening my range of outlooks on the possible outcomes of the human situation. i appreciate Gray's appeal for humanity to look at itself squarely in the face and seriously question our time-honoured sense of greatness and separateness from the other animals. i can appreciate the critique of the social theorist who says: taken as a whole, humanity is pretty ignorant. the great mass of them behave like automaton. some may console themselves with the idea that they are free rational beings, possessing powers of rational thought and the freedom to act thereon, but in reality most human actions spring from irrational impulses, and the herd instinct. in short the survival instinct, just like any other animal. i admit that perhaps john gray is right - that humans delude themselves when they believe that collectively they can progress morally, eradicating the tendency for power-seekers and warmongers to rise periodically from among their numbers, peacefully settling disputes regarding the distribution of the earth's resources. Aye, perhaps indeed the likes of the Buddah and Jesus and others who campaign for a moral revolution of the human soul are but isolated superficial waves which appear atop the great underwater body of humanity, which swells with egotistical drives and tribal mentality, and always will do.
aye, perhaps.
but who is to say for certain that there won't be a revolution of the human heart? there certainly won't be one if everyone thinks as John Gray and gives up hope of there ever being one.
it is a tricky question because humanity is not one uniform easily definable thing. it is a great swelling river composed of multifarious molecules, and it changes all the time; all the time there are new molecules swelling the current while others disappear.
to say that humanity is a big bunch of ignorami with delusions of rational grandeur may be a valid current description . . . but why give up the race when we've only started! (i say we, speaking for the great intermillenial life project on planet earth; our earliest ancestors: unicellular protoplasm who first wriggled out of the ocean . . .) but really, who can tell what vast swathes of time await us befure the sun blows up. who knows where we are going meantime? if blake can really hold eternity in an hour, then that gives us loads of time.
to sort things out.
straighten things up.
i think a massive spiritual awakening and moral revolution is not outwith the bounds of reason.
i think that denying that we have free will is a gross lack of imagination on the part of john gray. but maybe he was just having a laugh when he wrote that book. maybe he merely wanted to provoke reflection among his readership. he certainly did with me!
i had to bring these reflections to a heart sharing circle which took place around the fire one night. in a certain way it felt contrary to the spirit of the rainbow to bring up reflections of a pessimistic nature regarding the fate of humanity. but the heart sharing circle is all about sharing precisely what is on one's heart, so i knew it was legitimate.
the sharing circle at rainbow, i have discovered - like any act of talking or writing things down; in any case, putting it into words - is a good way of alleviating anything that may be weighing on my heart. through listening to myself speaking or reading what i have written i engage in a process of self-listening, self-analysis and self-criticism, leading to self-adjustment and maybe even self-betterment.
just listen to yourself!
(is that really what i wanted to say?)
one day a young man named olly came to the rainbow. he had poignant blue eyes, a celtic blonde beard and a rich mane of silky blonde hair. he said he was from cornwall and that he had gone to scotland a few years ago to try and organise a celtic rainbow, which somehow never got off the ground.
one day olly came to the kitchen and quietly anunciated his desire to capture some of the rainbow on film, would anybody object? at that moment most people were busy making food and the only response was a few groans and grunts, leaving olly standing there undecidedly.
a day or two later i saw olly strolling across the meadow with his camera. i asked him how his filming was going. he looked at me with eyes that weren't really looking at me. i could see that his desire to make a film was talking its toll. there was something weighing on him, preventing him from being fully present. he spoke in subdued tones and said that he had learned that getting everyone's permission was not going to happen. instead he was going to be stealthy - respecting anyone who downright didn't want to be filmed, but otherwise filming opportunistically.
it is a touchy subject because one of the aims of the rainbow is to get away from all technology - to leave it all behind and instead experience a pure connection with Nature. since then i have been thinking about this topic: what is the rainbow? why might people object to having it filmed? i see another one of the rainbow's aims is that everyone be present. it is all about being here now. we come together consciously to celebrate Life. it is all about participation, about fully being there, not only about observation.
but then what is wrong with everyone else participating and one person observing? (and what does participation mean anyway? what is participation in life? life is all about observation.)
i say to olly: it is an interesting topic. i for one don't find anything reprehensible about the rainbow being filmed. i think the world deserves to know about the rainbow.
there are already several documentaries available on youtube, says olly.
he shows me his camera. it is very small. along with his rucksack and other bags and pouches and holdalls hanging off his person, it could pass as simply part of his self-and-baggage ensemble. the one thing that does not pass unperceived is the big furry microphone and this, explains olly, is the price he must pay to obtain a good sound recording. i show to olly that i am interested in engaging in a friendly conversation and as we sit down on the grass he sets the camera atop his rucksack and indicates with a nod that he will start filming.
"so, if you want to talk a bit about rainbow, how it has changed your life?" he invites.
the last golden rays of the evening sun were streaming across the beautiful vibrant green of the meadow and the surrounding trees. i saw that the scene was very photogenic. i can see the worth of capturing the rainbow on film, but - as with photography - for me it is most worthy when it records a spontaneous event - a real life event as it were, not something that is self-consciously produced. it is true that self-consciousness is a lot of what being human is all about. it is also true that human actions are characterised by degrees of self-consciousness. i suddenly realised that i was unable to slip into the flow, knowing that there was a camera there in front of me. and so, wanting to be true to the moment, rather than answering olly's question, i began to discourse on why the fact of being recorded should change the feeling of that moment. what exactly is being altered? how might that all-seeing, all-capturing, all-recording eye device of the camera exert such power over those being observed? pesky little camera. obviously in one very real sense it does not change one iota. it is always an instance of the one engaging informal Universe turning on its axes, offering up unsuspected deeply personal instances while ignominiously swallowing under others, ever about to unfold the surprises of tomorrow.
in retrospect, i don't see myself as having made ideal interview material for olly's purposes. in any case, it wasn't long before the sun went away and i had to scamper off to put on some clothes.
often when i set about remembering recollecting reminiscing about the rainbow i am aware that i become very soft-hearted and lyrical.
wow, the rainbow is amazing!
it is an intriguing social experiment.
it is about welcoming within oneself the Kingdom of Heaven. it is about saying heaven is here and now, never has been anything other than here and now, always will be here and now. it is very spiritual. it is about holding each other's hands and singing about the sacredness of life. it is about holding our hands to the sky, recognising the sacredness of life. sacred is a word. what does it mean? it means special. or maybe it is a combination of the words very and special.
sacred is a way of seeing.
it is a value judgement. it is a value added experience. a loaded term.
it is an inner elation.
and the rainbow. what is the rainbow?
the rainbow is all about freedom. it is anarchic. one common feature i have noted among those who frequent the rainbow is a desire not to be bound by rules, for the sake of obeying rules. the rainbow aims to institute an ideal society where everyone is equal. they aim to constitute an ideal family - a family not consisting of parent-child relationships, but where everyone is brother and sister. it is all about personal responsibility. the rainbow gives the invitation to each person to be fully themselves. thus there can be no hard and fast rules.
there are however a certain number of practices which they call the rainbow tradition which include not consuming alcohol or drugs. the rainbow desires that everyone be free - but the rainbow has its tradition. this produces some interesting situations when, for example, a first-timer, unknowing of the tradition, pulls out a bottle by the fire. at some point someone may address them respectfully: is this your first time at the rainbow? obviously you are free to do as you wish but i should let you know that there is the tradition at rainbow of not drinking alcohol . . .
they say if you see something that needs done, then do it. but they also say if you don't feel like doing it, then don't do it. if you are hungry you might like to help to prepare food in the kitchen, but you might likewise not feel like it, and in that case other people will make food and there will be food circle all the same, maybe later, maybe earlier, maybe very carefully prepared and delicious tasting, served abundantly - second, third helpings? or it may not be especially tasty, and maybe rather small in proportion to one's eating vessel. it is about each person asking themselves: why am i here? what kind of rainbow do i want to cocreate?
there is one they call Neptune - i believe because of his interest in astrology. he seems somehow to be a celestial being. somehow very pure, almost childlike. he has a biblical blonde beard, and very conscientious, kind eyes. wherever there is any music being played he will come over and dance with moderate abandon before exclaiming bless! in a surprised appreciative tone before wandering off. well, he did that once. a comment of his during one of the sharing circles stuck me. he said, in his very gentle voice: you know i have been coming to rainbow gatherings for more than twenty years and i think i know less and less what the rainbow is.
i find it curious that i have given myself over to describing the rainbow. the rainbow is often amply characterised by The Flow. how can one give form to the flow? how can a definite shape be given to that which is in constant movement?
all life is movement
all life is motionless.
- images -
images may be definite, while being fleeting.
i was following the forest path down to St Mary's well one evening. i was with a group of others. we were going to collect water. a young man comes walking towards us. he does not look like the typical rainbow type (colourful clothes, abundant hair) he is dressed rather smartly and his hair is neatly trimmed. perhaps he knows the others (i think) for he salutes them in turn and exchanges friendly words. i am the last one and our curious eyes meet, sort of sizing each other. his eyes tell me: curiosity. joy. my eyes tell him: complete acceptance. we embrace affectionately then go back to looking at each other. for some time we are absorbed in our mutual contemplation. a few times he seems on the verge of saying something, but in the end both remain silent. we shake our heads slightly in surprise as we part (as if to say): wow, that was amazing! what was that?
that was a rainbow encounter
the group energy is something special. i might have been full of solitary quietness hanging in my hammock upon the hill when i hear the call: food circle now! i walk down to the main fire and suddenly become infected by the incredibly positive vibe emanating from everyone. they are playing music they are pattering on the feel good drums they are strumming the guitars they are doing incredible jigs of joy they are singing songs of love and joy and unity.
(there are also those who sit silently, who require personal space and alone time, maybe to process personal things. or maybe they are not naturally given to extrovert expressions of self. it is always about being true to oneself)
Unity.
this is the preeminent rainbow creed. we are all one family. it is a nice idea until you realise that it is true - that its possibly being true depends only on you. the energy of the group is overwhelming and convincing. it is a feeling. of course we are all one. it is evinced by the looks in the eyes of those who have volunteered to serve food who come round the circle with a big steaming pot of good fun love for life, salad? spicey sauce? chick peas? - ooo, yes please. they will serve you with eyes which shine with honesty and wonder and exploration.
yes, i am being romantic. i am sifting my memories. i am remembering The Good.
the rainbow is an incommensurable fortunate folding together of incorrigible hippies, blithely inconsiderate of the morrow.
wildly willing to leave on the eve, to weave a short sleeve
whispering rudimentary tales of wondrous wandering.
woo - woo - woo!
baying like hounds
obeying the bounds and such sounds as rebound around the brown mounds glospering there in the ground
ah, but only behold the miraculous excrescences sprouting from this very earth!
the slightest shiver in the shundergrowth
and there - a shrew! - her poignant snout poking through.
they assembled around the fire that night
bounding on the beat of happiness
we sink smoothly into the groove
every beat on the drum is played exactly on cue; everyone's hearts are beating together to the same enraptured vibration, swaying reverently, these bedraggled elvish colourful innocent introspective souls, slowly intoning chants of awe and gratitude for the ancient wisdom of the land. now going easy on the drums and simply slowly softly intoning enraptured paeans to the Sea, which subside to stillness then follows the clear voice of a long-haired young englishman who speaks of the mystery of the invisible wind, which blows and beats, without beginning and without end.
for the first few days i wasn't fully there. i was too preoccupied by cavilating over the fate of humanity. immediately previously i had spent feverish hours in the library in oxford going through John Gray's books Straw Dogs and The Silence of Animals, scribbling down such quotes as:
If there is anything unique about the human animal, it is that it has the ability to grow knowledge at an accelerating rate while being chronically incapable of learning from experience
Humans cannot live without illusions. For the men and women of today, an irrational faith in progress may be the only antidote to nihilism. Without the hope that the future will be better than the past, they could not go on.
and:
If you believe that humans are animals, there can be no such thing as the history of humanity, only the lives of particular humans. If we speak of the history of the species at all, it is only to signify the unknowable sum of these lives. As with other animals, some lives are happy, others wretched. None has a meaning that lies beyond itself
John says that the religious idea of heaven is the same type as the liberal humanist idea of progress; both rest on the same faith that the future will be better, and - according to John, both are delusional. John's thoughts have had the effect of giving me a jolt, widening my range of outlooks on the possible outcomes of the human situation. i appreciate Gray's appeal for humanity to look at itself squarely in the face and seriously question our time-honoured sense of greatness and separateness from the other animals. i can appreciate the critique of the social theorist who says: taken as a whole, humanity is pretty ignorant. the great mass of them behave like automaton. some may console themselves with the idea that they are free rational beings, possessing powers of rational thought and the freedom to act thereon, but in reality most human actions spring from irrational impulses, and the herd instinct. in short the survival instinct, just like any other animal. i admit that perhaps john gray is right - that humans delude themselves when they believe that collectively they can progress morally, eradicating the tendency for power-seekers and warmongers to rise periodically from among their numbers, peacefully settling disputes regarding the distribution of the earth's resources. Aye, perhaps indeed the likes of the Buddah and Jesus and others who campaign for a moral revolution of the human soul are but isolated superficial waves which appear atop the great underwater body of humanity, which swells with egotistical drives and tribal mentality, and always will do.
aye, perhaps.
but who is to say for certain that there won't be a revolution of the human heart? there certainly won't be one if everyone thinks as John Gray and gives up hope of there ever being one.
it is a tricky question because humanity is not one uniform easily definable thing. it is a great swelling river composed of multifarious molecules, and it changes all the time; all the time there are new molecules swelling the current while others disappear.
to say that humanity is a big bunch of ignorami with delusions of rational grandeur may be a valid current description . . . but why give up the race when we've only started! (i say we, speaking for the great intermillenial life project on planet earth; our earliest ancestors: unicellular protoplasm who first wriggled out of the ocean . . .) but really, who can tell what vast swathes of time await us befure the sun blows up. who knows where we are going meantime? if blake can really hold eternity in an hour, then that gives us loads of time.
to sort things out.
straighten things up.
i think a massive spiritual awakening and moral revolution is not outwith the bounds of reason.
i think that denying that we have free will is a gross lack of imagination on the part of john gray. but maybe he was just having a laugh when he wrote that book. maybe he merely wanted to provoke reflection among his readership. he certainly did with me!
i had to bring these reflections to a heart sharing circle which took place around the fire one night. in a certain way it felt contrary to the spirit of the rainbow to bring up reflections of a pessimistic nature regarding the fate of humanity. but the heart sharing circle is all about sharing precisely what is on one's heart, so i knew it was legitimate.
the sharing circle at rainbow, i have discovered - like any act of talking or writing things down; in any case, putting it into words - is a good way of alleviating anything that may be weighing on my heart. through listening to myself speaking or reading what i have written i engage in a process of self-listening, self-analysis and self-criticism, leading to self-adjustment and maybe even self-betterment.
just listen to yourself!
(is that really what i wanted to say?)
one day a young man named olly came to the rainbow. he had poignant blue eyes, a celtic blonde beard and a rich mane of silky blonde hair. he said he was from cornwall and that he had gone to scotland a few years ago to try and organise a celtic rainbow, which somehow never got off the ground.
one day olly came to the kitchen and quietly anunciated his desire to capture some of the rainbow on film, would anybody object? at that moment most people were busy making food and the only response was a few groans and grunts, leaving olly standing there undecidedly.
a day or two later i saw olly strolling across the meadow with his camera. i asked him how his filming was going. he looked at me with eyes that weren't really looking at me. i could see that his desire to make a film was talking its toll. there was something weighing on him, preventing him from being fully present. he spoke in subdued tones and said that he had learned that getting everyone's permission was not going to happen. instead he was going to be stealthy - respecting anyone who downright didn't want to be filmed, but otherwise filming opportunistically.
it is a touchy subject because one of the aims of the rainbow is to get away from all technology - to leave it all behind and instead experience a pure connection with Nature. since then i have been thinking about this topic: what is the rainbow? why might people object to having it filmed? i see another one of the rainbow's aims is that everyone be present. it is all about being here now. we come together consciously to celebrate Life. it is all about participation, about fully being there, not only about observation.
but then what is wrong with everyone else participating and one person observing? (and what does participation mean anyway? what is participation in life? life is all about observation.)
i say to olly: it is an interesting topic. i for one don't find anything reprehensible about the rainbow being filmed. i think the world deserves to know about the rainbow.
there are already several documentaries available on youtube, says olly.
he shows me his camera. it is very small. along with his rucksack and other bags and pouches and holdalls hanging off his person, it could pass as simply part of his self-and-baggage ensemble. the one thing that does not pass unperceived is the big furry microphone and this, explains olly, is the price he must pay to obtain a good sound recording. i show to olly that i am interested in engaging in a friendly conversation and as we sit down on the grass he sets the camera atop his rucksack and indicates with a nod that he will start filming.
"so, if you want to talk a bit about rainbow, how it has changed your life?" he invites.
the last golden rays of the evening sun were streaming across the beautiful vibrant green of the meadow and the surrounding trees. i saw that the scene was very photogenic. i can see the worth of capturing the rainbow on film, but - as with photography - for me it is most worthy when it records a spontaneous event - a real life event as it were, not something that is self-consciously produced. it is true that self-consciousness is a lot of what being human is all about. it is also true that human actions are characterised by degrees of self-consciousness. i suddenly realised that i was unable to slip into the flow, knowing that there was a camera there in front of me. and so, wanting to be true to the moment, rather than answering olly's question, i began to discourse on why the fact of being recorded should change the feeling of that moment. what exactly is being altered? how might that all-seeing, all-capturing, all-recording eye device of the camera exert such power over those being observed? pesky little camera. obviously in one very real sense it does not change one iota. it is always an instance of the one engaging informal Universe turning on its axes, offering up unsuspected deeply personal instances while ignominiously swallowing under others, ever about to unfold the surprises of tomorrow.
in retrospect, i don't see myself as having made ideal interview material for olly's purposes. in any case, it wasn't long before the sun went away and i had to scamper off to put on some clothes.
often when i set about remembering recollecting reminiscing about the rainbow i am aware that i become very soft-hearted and lyrical.
wow, the rainbow is amazing!
it is an intriguing social experiment.
it is about welcoming within oneself the Kingdom of Heaven. it is about saying heaven is here and now, never has been anything other than here and now, always will be here and now. it is very spiritual. it is about holding each other's hands and singing about the sacredness of life. it is about holding our hands to the sky, recognising the sacredness of life. sacred is a word. what does it mean? it means special. or maybe it is a combination of the words very and special.
sacred is a way of seeing.
it is a value judgement. it is a value added experience. a loaded term.
it is an inner elation.
and the rainbow. what is the rainbow?
the rainbow is all about freedom. it is anarchic. one common feature i have noted among those who frequent the rainbow is a desire not to be bound by rules, for the sake of obeying rules. the rainbow aims to institute an ideal society where everyone is equal. they aim to constitute an ideal family - a family not consisting of parent-child relationships, but where everyone is brother and sister. it is all about personal responsibility. the rainbow gives the invitation to each person to be fully themselves. thus there can be no hard and fast rules.
there are however a certain number of practices which they call the rainbow tradition which include not consuming alcohol or drugs. the rainbow desires that everyone be free - but the rainbow has its tradition. this produces some interesting situations when, for example, a first-timer, unknowing of the tradition, pulls out a bottle by the fire. at some point someone may address them respectfully: is this your first time at the rainbow? obviously you are free to do as you wish but i should let you know that there is the tradition at rainbow of not drinking alcohol . . .
they say if you see something that needs done, then do it. but they also say if you don't feel like doing it, then don't do it. if you are hungry you might like to help to prepare food in the kitchen, but you might likewise not feel like it, and in that case other people will make food and there will be food circle all the same, maybe later, maybe earlier, maybe very carefully prepared and delicious tasting, served abundantly - second, third helpings? or it may not be especially tasty, and maybe rather small in proportion to one's eating vessel. it is about each person asking themselves: why am i here? what kind of rainbow do i want to cocreate?
there is one they call Neptune - i believe because of his interest in astrology. he seems somehow to be a celestial being. somehow very pure, almost childlike. he has a biblical blonde beard, and very conscientious, kind eyes. wherever there is any music being played he will come over and dance with moderate abandon before exclaiming bless! in a surprised appreciative tone before wandering off. well, he did that once. a comment of his during one of the sharing circles stuck me. he said, in his very gentle voice: you know i have been coming to rainbow gatherings for more than twenty years and i think i know less and less what the rainbow is.
i find it curious that i have given myself over to describing the rainbow. the rainbow is often amply characterised by The Flow. how can one give form to the flow? how can a definite shape be given to that which is in constant movement?
all life is movement
all life is motionless.
- images -
images may be definite, while being fleeting.
i was following the forest path down to St Mary's well one evening. i was with a group of others. we were going to collect water. a young man comes walking towards us. he does not look like the typical rainbow type (colourful clothes, abundant hair) he is dressed rather smartly and his hair is neatly trimmed. perhaps he knows the others (i think) for he salutes them in turn and exchanges friendly words. i am the last one and our curious eyes meet, sort of sizing each other. his eyes tell me: curiosity. joy. my eyes tell him: complete acceptance. we embrace affectionately then go back to looking at each other. for some time we are absorbed in our mutual contemplation. a few times he seems on the verge of saying something, but in the end both remain silent. we shake our heads slightly in surprise as we part (as if to say): wow, that was amazing! what was that?
that was a rainbow encounter
the group energy is something special. i might have been full of solitary quietness hanging in my hammock upon the hill when i hear the call: food circle now! i walk down to the main fire and suddenly become infected by the incredibly positive vibe emanating from everyone. they are playing music they are pattering on the feel good drums they are strumming the guitars they are doing incredible jigs of joy they are singing songs of love and joy and unity.
(there are also those who sit silently, who require personal space and alone time, maybe to process personal things. or maybe they are not naturally given to extrovert expressions of self. it is always about being true to oneself)
Unity.
this is the preeminent rainbow creed. we are all one family. it is a nice idea until you realise that it is true - that its possibly being true depends only on you. the energy of the group is overwhelming and convincing. it is a feeling. of course we are all one. it is evinced by the looks in the eyes of those who have volunteered to serve food who come round the circle with a big steaming pot of good fun love for life, salad? spicey sauce? chick peas? - ooo, yes please. they will serve you with eyes which shine with honesty and wonder and exploration.
yes, i am being romantic. i am sifting my memories. i am remembering The Good.
the rainbow is an incommensurable fortunate folding together of incorrigible hippies, blithely inconsiderate of the morrow.
wildly willing to leave on the eve, to weave a short sleeve
whispering rudimentary tales of wondrous wandering.
woo - woo - woo!
baying like hounds
obeying the bounds and such sounds as rebound around the brown mounds glospering there in the ground
ah, but only behold the miraculous excrescences sprouting from this very earth!
the slightest shiver in the shundergrowth
and there - a shrew! - her poignant snout poking through.
they assembled around the fire that night
bounding on the beat of happiness
we sink smoothly into the groove
every beat on the drum is played exactly on cue; everyone's hearts are beating together to the same enraptured vibration, swaying reverently, these bedraggled elvish colourful innocent introspective souls, slowly intoning chants of awe and gratitude for the ancient wisdom of the land. now going easy on the drums and simply slowly softly intoning enraptured paeans to the Sea, which subside to stillness then follows the clear voice of a long-haired young englishman who speaks of the mystery of the invisible wind, which blows and beats, without beginning and without end.
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